


Half-Remembered Anxiety

by Ysavvryl



Category: Persona 3
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/pseuds/Ysavvryl
Summary: There's something that Akihiko can't quite remember, something that could explain why Minato seems to be fading away.





	Half-Remembered Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minium/gifts).

How had they come together?

It was a question that meandered into his mind over the past week, in between moments when he wasn’t concerned about taking college exams, finding a place to stay until his future was certain, or dealing with potential managers to maybe take boxing as a career. Or maybe he did want to go into police work. While those were all serious things to deal with now, Akihiko still found himself wondering, how had he come to love Minato?

Sure, he could remember clearly how it had happened. Mostly so. He’d wanted to cheer Minato up, from something. Reassure him. There was a deep pain that sometimes showed in his eyes, from… something, Akihiko felt like he should know it. Something about how his parents had died in front of his eyes when he had been young enough to be helpless and old enough to remember it vividly. It kept him distant at times, sorrow hidden behind those long bangs. Most people missed that about him.

They’d been in Akihiko’s room and Minato was complaining about how girls kept misreading him, or how he’d say something vague and then have to talk them out of believing that he wanted to date them. They’d mistake the concern of a friend for something different and then they’d end up hurt because he wanted to be friends with them. “I don’t want to hurt them,” Minato said, sincere and guilty for those mistakes. “But I realize, I have a lot of one-sided relationships. I like to listen, and so people talk to me at length. Yet, I rarely feel comfortable talking about myself, because…”

And he had a good reason for that. But what was that reason? It kept slipping from Akihiko’s thoughts, although he knew it was that pain his friend had. It was the same reason he was so reserved despite how people kept gravitating towards him. Wanting to cheer him up and reassure him, Akihiko had reached out and one way or another, they ended up kissing. It had been a surprise, but he’d done what he wanted in the moment without thinking twice of it.

The impulse had been worth it because Minato had one of his rare smiles after. “You listened to my real thoughts, rather than just let me listen to yours.”

There was a lot else Akihiko could remember of being with him too. Eating beef bowls together and trying to figure out what could make him laugh (but making jokes was not something Akihiko was used to and sometimes Minato would be touched enough at the attempts to laugh anyhow). Plotting in half-jest with each other how to keep friendships with girls without encouraging them romantically (and sometimes it was serious, and they’d make it work out). There were times when Minato visited the boxing club as well, to learn the exercises and be around him; he had such a natural talent that Akihiko sparred with him a few times in the practice ring and had to perform at his best to give him a good match. And there were secret times too, in the shower room after the rest of the club left where things were definitely not kept clean between them. It was a lucky love on both sides and Akihiko kept working on getting Minato to do more socially than just listen to others and please them. He deserved to be happy too.

But there were things missing. There were things that he ought to remember and things he nearly remembered. Why was that? And somewhere in those half-remembered things were other reasons he loved Minato and wanted him to be happy. After all, there was devastation in those memories; he knew because sometimes he woke up in a panic thinking that everything was lost, that Minato was gone. Then he got the feeling that he would lose Minato. It made no sense, so he’d not yet mentioned it.

“Why’s my head have to be all messed up?” Akihiko muttered to himself, detouring from leaving the school to go to the gym. No one should be meeting up in there, so he should have some time to exercise and work out this anxiety.

No one should be there, but someone was. Minato was standing near a punching bag. With his school bag in hand, he wasn’t exercising there. He wasn’t even looking at the equipment, instead staring off at the floor. He’d been doing poorly the past couple of weeks, weary and weakened. According to their dormmates who were in his class, Minato did work in class and paid attention, but then seemed unable to do anything more than go back to the dorm and rest. They were worried too, but the school nurse thought he was just another overworked student.

Although, that nurse wasn’t too reliable. “Hey, Minato,” Akihiko said, taking his arm.

“Huh?” he turned and seemed confused. “Oh, sorry.”

He forced a smile, hoping to get through to him. “I’m the one who should be saying that, for being busy this week. Sorry. But, is something wrong? We could stop by the hospital to get you checked up.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m just tired, I think. It’s nothing.”

“It certainly doesn’t look like nothing,” Akihiko said, putting a hand on Minato’s forehead. He didn’t seem feverish. But when he took his hand, it was cold. “I don’t think you’ve been up to anything strenuous today. How long have you been feeling like this?”

“I’m not sure,” he said. “It happened slowly. But it’s… there’s nothing to be done.”

Some memory tried to emerge, something about a promise that Minato intended to keep, even though he looked so pale and exhausted that he was surely pressing on through sheer willpower. “You sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” Akihiko repeated, hoping he’d give in.

“I’m sure.” He did take Akihiko’s arm and seem like he might fall into an embrace. “I’m sure. I’m just tired; I should get back to the dorm and sleep.”

“Well have you eaten anything yet? I can take you out somewhere.”

“I don’t feel like eating much,” Minato said, although his stomach growled audibly to contradict him. “I had an apple for lunch.”

“You should be eating something more even if you aren’t feeling well,” Akihiko said. Maybe if he ate, he’d feel alert enough to realize he should see a doctor. But not something heavy… “How about we go by that one restaurant by the beef bowl shop? They should have something you feel like you could eat.”

Minato nodded, maybe too tired to protest. Akihiko headed out with him, keeping a slow pace to preserve what energy Minato had. As usual, a group of girls had been waiting on them out at the school entrance. At least this time, he could reasonably shoo them off since they thought he was looking after a sick friend. Nobody really knew about their relationship as far as Akihiko knew; they might not even suspect it unless he kept missing such rumors. That was fine, as there was no need to show off or anything.

In the restaurant, Minato picked at his fish and vegetables for a bit before deciding that he actually was hungry. Akihiko tried a few times to start a conversation with him, something that was always harder to do than it seemed. It was so easy to talk about anything with him listening, yet so difficult to listen to him. “Man, Shinji used to bug me about coming to the place more often,” he said. “He said it had a healthier balance for their meals. I guess it’s not bad.”

“Memento mori,” Minato abruptly said, lost in thought again.

“Hmm, what’s that?” he asked.

“Remember that you will die,” he said bluntly. It caused chills in Akihiko’s spine, like he should know something more about this. “Somebody told me that, early on. I thought I knew why, but the reason escapes me.” He shrugged and ate a bit more before adding on, “I feel like I’ve forgotten something important, but if I just reach out, I can remember it again.”

“You too?” he asked. “Does it have to do with how we got together? Because it’s been bugging me lately.” He rubbed his head as Minato nodded. “Sorry, I mean, I’m glad we’re together, but it feels strange not being sure why.”

“It’s fine, it’s strange to me too. It’s like, I know what happened is important. And if I knew what it was again, there’s some understanding that would put my mind at ease. But I don’t remember and it makes me worry about it, even feel afraid sometimes. There’s this voice, though, that keeps reassuring me that this is the path I chose and it’s all for the best. I wish it’d let me remember why.”

“Right, it’d be better if we could understand again,” Akihiko said. “It’s weird that we wouldn’t remember things that happened just in the past year, especially things that feel important.”

“Maybe soon,” he said. “How is Shinjiro doing? I heard that he woke out of his coma at some point, but then haven’t heard much since.”

That made him smile. “He’s been doing great, actually. It’s something of a miracle that his heart didn’t take lasting damage, and now he could be released from the hospital tomorrow.” Then he got an idea; it was tricking Minato, but his condition was too terrible to ignore. “Hey, you want to drop by and visit him? If you’re feeling up to it; I’m sure he’d be glad to see you again.”

“Sure,” Minato said, perhaps too out of it to realize he was being tricked. “Would he like it if we stopped by the takoyaki shop and brought him some?”

“I’m sure he would,” Akihiko said. “Finish up what you’ve got and we’ll head over.”

Although he agreed to it, Minato was half-asleep on his feet when they arrived. The staff seemed busy too, so they got into Shinjiro’s room without running into someone who could check on Minato. Shinjiro was awake, sitting on the bed dressed in his normal clothes. While he did smile briefly at the visit, he quickly became concerned as well. “Hey, you alright?”

“Sorry, I’m just tired,” Minato said, sitting in a chair and dropping his school bag on the floor.

“You look worse than just tired,” Shinjiro said. “You been eating well?” Minato nodded.

Akihiko went over to put the takoyaki box on the bedside table, then quietly asked, “Could you call a nurse in? He wouldn’t come over when I asked him directly.”

“Got it,” Shinjiro whispered, pressing the button near his bed. Then he spoke up, “Hey, thanks for bringing in a snack. The food here is nearly all plain.”

“No problem,” Akihiko said, opening up the box. It was in Shijiro’s reach, so he took one out to pass over to Minato. “Here, you really should eat some more.”

“Sure,” he said, taking it to eat carefully.

Shinjiro got up and went to sit in the chair by him, leaving Akihiko to lean against the bed. But that was fine since he was in better shape than the two of them. “Hey, thanks again for finding my watch for me. They were saying it was some line between life or death for me there.”

“That was Koromaru who found it,” Minato said, although he did smile at it. “I’m glad, you got a second chance.”

Shinjiro leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sure, even the school’s giving me a second chance. But then I’ve got to be a proper student with good attendance and all, with less leniency than others. What a pain.”

“You should at least get your high school diploma,” Akihiko said.

“Hmph, guess so,” he said, seeming annoyed. Akihiko was sure he was more interested than he pretended to be. “Anyhow, I hear you and Aki here have been going out for a while.”

Minato nodded, although he seemed worried about it.

Although he didn’t know him as well, Shinjiro still noticed. “Whatever, it’s between you two, and I think it’s fine. But I know you both will push yourselves far more than you need to, so keep each other in check there, alright?”

Akihiko chuckled. “Sure, guess we should both relax more often.”

“That’s not up for debate,” Shinjiro said, a little harsh but he meant well.

A male nurse came in there. “Did you need something?” he asked, soon noticing Minato trying not to doze off before he finished his takoyaki.

Giving a familiar wave to the man, Shinjiro said, “Sorry, but do you mind checking over my friend here? Something seems wrong with him.”

“I’m just tired,” Minato said again.

“Right, but you’ve been like this for about two weeks now,” Akihiko said.

“Uh-huh, about two weeks?” the nurse asked, crouching down by Minato and taking his wrist. “Has he been doing anything strenuous?”

Akihiko explained, “We live in the same dorm and as far as I know, he’s just gone to school, then come straight back to go to sleep. He did drop out of the track team around three weeks ago, so he might’ve been feeling bad before the rest of us noticed.”

“If I could remember, I’d know why,” Minato said, sounding half-asleep too.

The nurse asked a few more questions, like how he’d been eating and trying to get Minato to explain more about how he felt. “Do you know his parents or legal guardian?”

“I believe he’s a ward of the school right now,” Akihiko said, partly remembering that it had been Ikutsuki due to their circumstances. But he had passed away a few months ago and recalling his name made Akihiko feel a deep anger that he also couldn’t explain.

“In that case, do you mind filling out some preliminary forms until we can get that sorted out?” the nurse asked. “We’ll have to figure out who can legally sign him in, but he should be looked at straight away.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” Akihiko said. Since he was dressed normally, Shinjiro came along to encourage Minato to have another takoyaki and keep them company.

After letting the doctor know what he’d seen, Akihiko had to sit out in the waiting room with Shinjiro while a doctor looked Minato over. “Hope this isn’t anything serious, but I’m not so sure,” Shinjiro said.

“I know,” Akihiko said, clasping his hands together. Maybe if they did remember, things would be more certain. But it still felt like something worse was waiting just around the bend. “He’s been acting odd today too, although I’m not sure how much of that is just him being exhausted somehow.”

Shinjiro sighed softly and looked up at the ceiling in thought. Then he nudged him. “Hey, this might sound weird, but you get the feeling that you aren’t remembering what you should properly?”

Those chills came back. “Yeah, Minato feels the same way. It’s like, knowing that would explain things, I feel sure of that. But I also feel sure that the answer might not be a good one.”

“I guess it’s something that happened while I was out,” he said. “But it shouldn’t last that way, at least that weird chick said so.”

“Who’re you talking about?” Akihiko asked, looking over at him.

Shinjiro shrugged. “Not sure, she just showed up last night in a weird blue uniform and spoke of things that some stranger shouldn’t know about. But I believed her, maybe because she was weird. Anyhow, I think you should stick with him as much as you can today. If you don’t, you won’t get another chance for a long time.”

“What’s going to happen?” he asked, worried over what this meant. Minato had brought up death out of the blue and he had a feeling that should cause him even more concern than it did.

“I dunno,” he said, shaking his head. “I didn’t get what all she was saying, but I feel like it’ll make sense later. Maybe when one of you guys can explain it better. But it’s clear that Minato doesn’t have much time before he needs to be doing something, even if he doesn’t want to leave his friends behind. Since you’re the one he loves, you ought to take care of him today however you can.”

“Sure, I just wish we knew what was going on,” he said.

The hospital hadn’t been able to get in contact with someone at the school who could authorize Minato to stay overnight. They also weren’t able to pinpoint what was wrong with him, as further tests would take time to analyze. Perhaps more worryingly, Minato had refused the offer of a blood transfusion. He did say he’d think about it and the doctor wanted him to report back to the hospital in twenty-four hours, in hopes that they knew better what was going on. In the meantime, he was advised to go on back and sleep, even to skip school tomorrow if he didn’t feel well. They said goodbye to Shinjiro, then headed back to the dorms.

Minato looked tired enough that Akihiko considered just leaving him be. But all the things they’d spoken about today felt like a warning, that there wasn’t much time. At the door to Minato’s room, Akihiko asked, “Hey, do you want me to stick by you? At least until you’re asleep.”

While it took a moment for him to respond, he nodded. “Sure, thank you. I’m actually kind of scared, although I know I shouldn’t be.”

Akihiko came in and closed the door behind him, then looked over his desk to give him some time to change out of his school uniform. There really wasn’t much in here: his laptop, some books from school, and some trinkets here and there that had connections to his friends. “You could have asked to stay at the hospital; I’m sure they would have let you even if they were having trouble getting in contact with the school board.”

“It wouldn’t have done much good,” he replied. “I’m sure that it’s the fate I chose.”

“But it still scares you because you don’t remember what you chose,” he said.

“Yeah.” Then Minato wrapped an arm around him; his grip was noticeably weaker than what it had once been. “Aki, I’m sorry.”

“What for?” he asked, turning to hug him back.

“I don’t know,” he said, burying a head against his shoulder. It seemed like he might disappear at any moment. “I didn’t want to hurt you… just, don’t give up, especially on account of me. This is the best solution.”

This wasn’t normal; why couldn’t he remember? Or, would he even know how to respond if he did remember? “If you say so, I’ll believe you,” Akihiko said, rubbing his back. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll stay right with you until you fall asleep, and I’ll be back after the graduation ceremony to walk you over to the hospital.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. He remained tense for a while, keeping his head against Akihiko’s chest. But then he calmed down abruptly, like he’d remembered something. That left him at peace enough to fall asleep. Seeing that reassured Akihiko too, although he felt more certain that something was about to happen and he’d not see him again for a long time. That led him to stay holding onto him for a long while, at least until he heard the others come back in from school.

In less than twenty-four hours, right at the graduation ceremony, Minato was gone. Not exactly dead, not exactly alive, but definitely gone from the world. And although Akihiko finally remembered why this all was happening, pain and hope lingered with him for a long time.


End file.
